Why Anxiety Looks Different in Boys

Anxiety is one of the most common mental health challenges among students, but it often goes undetected in boys because they don’t always express it in the same way girls do. While some may show classic signs like nervousness or withdrawal, others mask their anxiety with anger, restlessness, or avoidance. As school counselors, understanding these unique signs can help us provide the right support and interventions.

How it Manifests

Boys may not always verbalize their fears or stress, but they show anxiety in other ways, including:

Irritability & Sudden Anger – Snapping at peers or teachers when overwhelmed.
Perfectionism & Overachievement – Setting unrealistic expectations to maintain control.
Physical Symptoms – Complaints of stomachaches, headaches, or fatigue with no medical cause.
Avoidance – Skipping class, procrastinating, or zoning out in schoolwork and sports.
Excessive Screen Time or Gaming – Using distractions to escape stress.
Hyperactivity or Restlessness – Difficulty sitting still, constantly needing movement.

Recognizing these patterns early allows us to intervene before anxiety escalates into school refusal, social withdrawal, or behavioral issues.

Why Boys Struggle to Talk About Anxiety

Many boys feel pressure to be “strong” and may fear that admitting anxiety makes them weak. This is often reinforced by:

Societal Expectations – The idea that boys should be “tough” and not show vulnerability.
Lack of Emotional Vocabulary – Boys may not know how to describe what they’re feeling.
Fear of Judgment – Worrying about how peers, parents, or teachers will react.

By creating a safe space for open conversations, counselors can help boys recognize that anxiety is normal and manageable—not a sign of weakness.

Best Strategies for Helping Out

Encourage Movement-Based Coping Skills – Boys often process emotions better through action rather than discussion. Teach physical techniques like:

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) – Tensing and releasing muscles to reduce tension.
Triangle Breathing – A structured breathing technique to calm the nervous system.
“Power Moves” for Resetting Anxiety – Jumping jacks, push-ups, or shaking out stress.

Use Gamification & Challenges – Boys engage better with structured, goal-oriented approaches, such as:

Anxiety “Boss Battle” Game – Turning stress management into a challenge.
Tracking Small Wins – Creating a “Mental Game Plan” to reinforce progress.
Locker Room Pep Talks – Using sports-style motivation to build confidence.

Normalize Talking About Feelings – Help boys identify emotions by:

Using Social Stories – Relatable scenarios where other boys recognize and manage anxiety.
Teaching Emotional Vocabulary – Providing words for feelings they struggle to describe.
Role-Playing Coping Strategies – Practicing self-talk and confidence-building in a safe setting.

Anxiety Playbook for Boys: A School Counselor’s Must-Have Resource

If you’re looking for structured, engaging, and effective tools to help boys manage anxiety, check out the Ultimate Anxiety Playbook for Boys.

This playbook is packed with:

Worksheets to recognize anxiety in boys
Breathing & grounding exercises tailored for active learners
Social stories that make anxiety relatable
Gamified challenges to make stress management engaging
Mood trackers, pep talks, and goal-setting pages

This resource is designed for school counselors, educators, and mentors who want to help boys build emotional resilience, confidence, and self-awareness in a way that actually makes sense to them.

Grab your copy today and start making a difference in the way boys understand and manage anxiety! Learn more about emotional regulation in the classroom here.

What strategies have worked for you in helping boys manage anxiety? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your experiences!

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As a school counselor, managing classrooms can be a challenging task. However, it’s an essential skill that you need to develop to create a conducive learning environment for students. Here are some tips to help School Counselors ace classroom management during lessons:

• Set Clear Behavioral Expectations: Creating behavioral expectations that are integrated with your school’s MTSS expectations or classroom norms can reinforce expectations and increase student investment. By prioritizing their voice and supporting culturally sustaining practices, you can create a safe and inclusive space for all while improving classroom management.
• Craft and Teach Consistent Routines: Routines are the backbone of a classroom, and creating reliable routines to use during every lesson can help you establish a positive learning environment. You can initiate the lesson with a snappy story or a picture to engage students, or a fun chant that emphasizes the expectations you developed together. Offering incentives for achieving five points as a class can motivate students to participate and engage.
• Mix It Up and Vary Approaches: Alter your teaching approach every 15 minutes to keep students focused and hooked. Differentiate based on grade level, age, developmental needs, and attention span. Use different methods of engagement throughout your lesson, and tailor the pace of your content to suit students’ development and a range of identities/needs. Read more about engaging bored learners in the classroom.
• Supervise Students Using Behavior-Specific Praise, Scanning the Room, and Staying Close: For every one instance of corrective feedback, offer four positive statements. Praise should be behavior-specific to reinforce positive behavior. Continuously scan the room to gauge the mood and dynamics, and use proximity to offer feedback and monitor. Move closer to students who are off-task, and give them a supportive smile, while maintaining specific feedback.

By using these tips, you can ace classroom management during lessons and create a positive learning environment for students.

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With so many myths floating around about Social Emotional Learning (SEL), I felt the need to come clean with what I know about it. As a former RAMP certified School Counselor, I am all about data collection and data driven lesson planning. I have personally witnessed the effects of teaching SEL activities across many grade levels during my classroom interventions. But, I want you to be the judge for yourself. Let’s take a closer look at common questions and the truth about Social Emotional Learning from a School Counselor’s perspective. Hint, it’s pretty much all positive.

What is Social Emotional Learning?

Who teaches Social Emotional Learning?

SEL  has been found to have a number of beneficial outcomes in the classroom and beyond. According to research, students who engage in SEL have improved academic performance, better communication and problem-solving skills, stronger social skills and relationships, better self-control and self-awareness, improved school climate, and better mental health. Additionally, students who are involved in SEL are more likely to graduate from high school, go to college, and find success in the workplace.

How do I model SEL skills to my Students?

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Stress in schools is a growing problem in today’s society. It can have a significant impact on students’ physical and mental health, as well as their ability to focus on their school work. Teaching effective calming strategies in the classroom may be easier than you thought. Using these strategies daily can enhance the learning process without disrupting student work.

• Deep breathing: Encourage students to take slow, deep breaths when they are feeling overwhelmed or anxious. They can learn to do these at their desks without anyone else knowing.
• Progressive muscle relaxation: Have students tense and relax their body’s major muscle groups one at a time to help reduce tension. I have some scripts you can use to use with the whole class or smaller groups.
• Visualization: Have them close their eyes and imagine a calm place that they enjoy, such as a beach or a meadow. Transitions are a great time to encourage the use of this calming strategy.
• Yoga: Introduce some basic yoga poses such as child’s pose, mountain pose, and tree pose.
• Art: Encourage students to express their feelings through art.
• Music: Have them listen to calming music, or play some music and have them dance or move to it.
• Exercise: Exercise releases endorphins, which can help to reduce stress and tension.
• Grounding: Have students focus on one thing they can see, smell, taste, feel and hear in the present moment. (see the Lily Pad Grounding Activity below)

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Selective mutism in children is extremely debilitating as it hinders the child’s ability to form friendships, seek help from peers or teachers, and participate in group activities or classroom discussions. This can quickly spiral into poor academic performance, low self-esteem, social isolation, and even other anxiety disorders and depression. Our main objective as teachers and counselors should be to spot these issues at the earliest so that the child can receive proper care and treatment at an early age. In this article, we will address how you can help students with selective mutism.

What is Selective Mutism in Children?

Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder where a child is unable to speak in certain settings or around certain people. In a comfortable social setting – at home with parents, family members, or close friends – children with this condition are able to communicate normally, using both verbal and non-verbal means. However, when these children are put in a social setting that involves strangers or people they are not very close to, they are overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety and panic. The distress is so intense that they find themselves frozen and unable to speak.

Signs that a Student May Have Selective Mutism

This condition can easily be confused with autism, learning disabilities, or simply defiant behavior, which is why it is important for us to look for specific behavioral traits. In the school setting, children with selective mutism may:

– Appear self conscious and avoid eye contact

– Not be able to initiate or reciprocate a conversation with other children

– Suddenly get stiff and their facial expressions may freeze when they are expected to talk to unfamiliar people

– Use gestures and facial expressions instead of speaking

– Never speak up in class even if they are addressed directly

If you think that a student of yours might have selective mutism, it would be worthwhile to share your specific observations with their parents. Since children with this condition do not present any deficits in emotional and communicative capacity when they are in a familiar and safe environment, the parents might be shocked upon hearing your observations. This makes it all the more important for you to mention very specific details so the parents could understand that their child might be struggling. If the parents need time to process what you have shared, that is perfectly reasonable. Nonetheless, you should suggest that they visit a psychologist specializing in selective mutism to obtain a proper diagnosis for their child.

An important part of the treatment is helping the child with selective mutism learn how to become proficient at facing the situations that make them feel anxious. While it is never a good idea to push the child to speak, it is entirely possible for you to accommodate their condition in the classroom environment. Let’s explore some more specific ways you can help students with Selective Mutism.

Permit Nonverbal Communication to Help Students with Selective Mutism:

If the student feels comfortable using gestures or hand signs to communicate, you should allow that so the student feels their participation is appreciated and help them build their confidence. You can also try these anxiety alert cards for students who need a little extra assistance.

Assign Small Groups:

Some children feel more at ease when they are doing school activities in a smaller group. Putting them in a small group makes it more likely that they will feel comfortable enough to participate and even communicate with their peers.

Establish One-Sided Spoken Communication:

Children with selective mutism can often benefit from initial one-sided conversation where they are not expected to speak. Instead of asking “how are you doing today?” you could greet them with “It’s very nice to see you.” This relieves the student of the pressure to formulate a response. As they get more comfortable over time, you could introduce a nonverbal greeting like waving or a fist-bump.

Pair a buddy with a Student with Selective Mutism:

If the student has a friend that they are close to or can communicate with verbally, arrange for them to sit together and play together. This could help decrease the tension that the student feels and encourage them to communicate with more peers.

Praise Verbal Communication:

As the student gets more comfortable in the classroom environment, they may start verbalizing their responses. Encourage them by praising their response so that they feel motivated to speak more.

Children with selective mutism deal with agonizing anxiety on a daily basis. Even a tiny bit of encouragement and praise go a long way in helping them build self-esteem. You should strive to create a warm classroom environment so that they feel valued and find it comfortable to express themselves. While these children can make tremendous progress, remember that it will materialize slowly, and will require you to be patient. But seeing them grow and prosper will be an immensely rewarding experience.

Finally, Parents can extend your efforts by creating a calm down corner at home.

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You don’t have to be a Special Education Teacher to support students with sensory needs. You also don’t need a diagnosis to have occasional sensory overload. There is an ongoing commitment to identify best practices for teaching & supporting students with disabilities in the regular classroom. And one of the most significant commitments is to ensure that all students, including those with sensory needs, have access to quality education. This article will explore ways to support students with sensory needs in the classroom even if they do not have a diagnosis or an IEP. Anyone can use these tips to help all students of all abilities who may need a little extra support with overwhelming sounds, lights, and sensations.

What Does Sensory Overload Look Like in All Learners

Sensory overload occurs when one or more of your five senses take in more information than your brain can process. It can happen to anyone, anytime. Students may shut down, cover their ears, squint their eyes, hold their nose, tremble, panic or freeze. It’s important to help students find the correct sensory tools they need in that moment so they can regulate their senses and return to a productive state.

Other times, students feel the need to take in more of a sensory diet. They may be tapping their hands or feet or chewing on a pencil. You can easily replace those behaviors with more appropriate classroom tools such as fidget cubes, stretchy strings and alternative seating.

Using Sensory Toys with All Learners

Sensory materials are integral to an engaged, successful, and unbiased classroom. When appropriately used, sensory materials can help provide students with focus and calmness as they work. Popular items like fidgets and squeeze balls are often used to help students stay on task. Still, other objects such as putty, sand timers, play dough, and weighted stuffed animals can also serve as helpful when trying to provide sensory support. A great example is the application of fidget toys to manage the restlessness of learners with ADHD. Here the primary mechanic is that when an ADHD child is overwhelmed with environmental stimuli, they may seek external output to regulate and keep themselves calm. This can also happen with all learners from time to time. Everyone has sensory needs from time to time.

Another example is the Swiggle Wiggle Writer for children who need more sensory input for their writing skills. The pen vibrates on the child’s hands, thus strengthening the hand muscles needed for writing capability. These are just a few pointers to set the ball rolling, but it is essential to be mindful of each student’s needs and what will work best for them. Be sure to explore different tools to see what helps your students the most.

Using Visuals & Textures with All Learners

Children with sensory needs may benefit from enhanced visual input. For example, many Autistic children prefer high contrasting colors and strongly patterned designs. These visuals strengthen memory & provide a stimulating visual environment that can help them feel engaged. Meanwhile, providing different textures in the classroom can also be helpful for children with sensory needs. Items like bumpy fabric, furry animal toys, smooth clay, and wooden materials can provide tactile input to help students feel calm and focused. In practice, the teachers can have the students engage in modeling, like making their favorite toy using plasticine or jigsaw puzzles. The objective is to have the student make physical contact with a designated texture and describe the feeling. It’s okay to provide different materials (such as sandpaper and velvet). That way, the learner can have a tactile experience.

Using Gestures to Strengthen Sensory Processing

One way to help a child with sensory needs is through gestures. For example, when Autistic child is overwhelmed with environmental stimuli, they may respond to verbal commands rather slowly. Perhaps the lesson was too lengthy or complex, or the student felt anxious. In these situations, a teacher can use gestures to help students understand what is expected of them. If the student seems dazed and distracted, a teacher might put their hand on the shoulder to get their attention. If there was a communication issue, a teacher could point out or sign to help efficiently direct the learner’s behavior without overwhelming them. Try using simple hand gestures that are easy to follow, like pointing and shaking your head if a student does something you don’t like. This type of non-verbal communication can help a child better comprehend what to do and what not to do in a given set-up, thus aiding them in the learning process.

I have found that many of my students have some degree of sensory sensitivity on occasion.  It may be situational or it may be just short term. It’s important to be intentional about recognizing the signs in ALL students and asking students how we can adapt the learning environment to fit their needs at the moment. You can also support parents and students at home by helping them create a DIY calm down corner at home.

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Have you ever wondered how you can use books to teach self-regulation to students? Kids love books and self-regulation is an important part of SEL. But it’s sometimes overlooked. 

Yes, counselors often focus on the identification of feelings. But it’s not enough to just teach the difference between sad, angry, happy, or jealous. 

Because there’s a next step involved. And that, of course, is self-regulation. 

In other words, once a feeling is pinpointed, we should take it one step further and teach students to respond to their feelings. In other words, teach them how to manage them.

According to The Child Mind Institute, “The key to learning self-regulation skills, says Dr. Rouse, is not to avoid situations that are difficult for kids to handle, but to coach kids through them and provide a supportive framework — clinicians call it “scaffolding” the behavior you want to encourage — until they can handle these challenges on their own.”

But we don’t always have the opportunity to help our students through emotional situations as they arise.

Instead, we call upon some of the more popular, and effective ways, to teach students to manage their emotions. Like activities that promote mindfulness, for example.

But there’s another, extremely effective (and easy) way to teach self-regulation to students. 

And that’s through books. 

How Books Teach Self-Regulation

Books with relatable characters and scenarios will help students learn that their feelings are normal. While reading, or being read to, students immerse themselves in the stories, and feelings, of their favorite characters. 

In doing so, they’ll experience ways to manage their emotions based on the outcomes in books. 

Reading about a beloved book character (who is managing an overwhelming feeling) can help students manage their emotions in a similar (healthy) way!

Questions to Ask Students 

After reading, it can help to promote conversation about the feelings the characters had, and how they coped with them. 

While students may relate, on a deep level, to the stories, it’s important to drive the point home by asking students to name the emotions within the story. 

Then, ask students to talk about how they felt about the way the characters handled their emotions. In these conversations, students can discuss regulation and perhaps touch on ways they could either improve on the outcomes or personalize their own methods of regulation. 

Ask students:

• What was X feeling?
• How do you know that’s how X felt?
• Have you ever felt the same way?
• Think of a time you felt the same as X.

Then, help your students study the reactions and whether they felt they were appropriate.

Ask students:

• What did X do to feel better?
• Would that work for you?
• What would you have done differently?

Lastly, you can help students identify their own action plan for when they’re feeling something similar. 

A Few Fantastic Books to Teach Self-Regulation to Students

There are way too many to list, but these are some of my favorites.  You can also do a quick search on Amazon for Children’s books about self-regulation to get an exhausting list. You will be able to sort by age and refine your search down if needed. Be sure to check out the reviews for each book.

What Should Danny Do? Adir Levy

The Kids’ Guide to Staying Awesome and In Control by Lauren Brukner

Mindfulness for Kids Who Worry by Katie Austin

I Am Stronger Thank Anger by Elizabeth Cole

My Magic Breath by Nick Ortner

You may or may not know that I have a couple of published books as well and I would love your feedback if you have read them. The first is about Growth Mindset and the second one works on correcting Cognitive Distortions.

Learn, Grow, Succeed: A Kid’s Growth Mindset Journal

Sammy Sloth’s Unhelpful Thoughts

The post How You Can Use Books to Teach Self-Regulation to Students appeared first on The Counseling Teacher.

Cognitive distortions, or distorted thinking, can be detrimental to a child’s ability to reach their fullest potential when it comes to academics, self-image, and relationships.

When children obsess over negative thoughts, those distorted thoughts may suffocate their potential. For example, the comparison game can become quite brutal, and negative self-talk dominates students stuck in this rut. 

The good news is, school counselors can help their students reframe their mindset by teaching them how to acknowledge unhelpful thoughts and labeling them as such. 

Doing so helps them identify negative thoughts so they can reach their potential. 

In the book, Sammy Sloth’s Unhelpful Thoughts, children (ages 9-12 years) join Sammy on a journey that navigates through negativity and plops the sloth out on the other side with a new frame of mind, and self-image.

Here’s how you can use Sammy Sloth’s Unhelpful Thoughts to help your students discard distorted thinking.

Comparison Game and Cognitive Distortions in Students

One of the biggest problems for students with low self-esteem comes from comparing themselves to their peers. This can be in school, on tv, and of course on social media. 

Like many youngsters, Sammy Sloth worries that he’s not as good as his peers. He fears that he’s too slow and not as smart. And instead of shining a light on his own positive traits, he sees the good in everyone else (and then uses those traits against himself). 

Sammy constantly compares himself to all of his jungle friends: 

• Cheetah is a better runner.
• Elephant never forgets
• Hyena is always laughing at him

But just because the little sloth acknowledges the good in others, it doesn’t mean he is any less of a sloth.  

Labeling Cognitive Distortions

Because labeling distorted thoughts is one of the easiest ways to leave the comparison game in the past, the book uses the example of an X-ray to bring unhelpful (negative) thoughts to light. The character, Dr. Wise, is able to point out distorted thoughts and teaches Sammy that emotions aren’t always truth-telling.

The outcome? 

Sammy the Sloth learns how to recognize the thoughts that make him feel afraid, guilty, and disappointed. And instead, he learns to identify the good in every situation. 

In fact, Sammy discovers that not only does he have his own positive character traits, he learns how important they are when disaster strikes.

Implement Sammy The Sloth in Your Classroom

Many students come to school counselors with the inability to manage their emotions. And this dysregulation can leave students feeling withdrawn and unable to perform. 

Because Sammy is so relatable, students feel empowered to change the way they think about themselves as well. 

Students learn how to react calmly and confidently in social situations with peers and teachers, which ultimately leads to better grades and fewer disruptions.

When teaching SEL with books, it’s important to incorporate activities. Games that focus on emotional intelligence, feeling words, self-regulation, and self-expression will help drive the point home with some critical thinking and engagement. 

So, if you would like to check out these companion lessons, I’ve created these to use with the book.

Feelings Check Ins & Coping Skills

Self-Regulation Activities

Sammy’s Smart Goals

Download these free Sammy Sloth informational posters:

Sammy’s Circles of Control

Sammy’s Positive Self-Talk

The Inspiration for Sammy Sloth

As a school counselor, I’ve seen students become stuck, or stunted by their own distorted thinking. And I knew we needed a book that can teach upper elementary and pre-teens how to examine and alter their thought patterns and reframe cognitive distortions. 

Sammy the Sloth’s Unhelpful Thoughts draws on some of the most common cognitive distortions and discusses how to reframe their mindset in a fun, engaging, way. 

Sammy is a memorable, relatable, character that can be referenced when distortions arise. 

And the connection that students feel with Sammy will help them see that there’s a different way to think about themselves.  A more positive and forgiving way. 

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Kids consume a ton of media every single day. And it’s what they’re seeing online, on social media, and tv that can often dictate how they feel about their bodies.

Unfortunately, those images flashing across the screen aren’t always the best depiction of reality for a young person to model themselves after. 

So, to help our kids and students learn how to become more body positive, it’s important to intentionally teach them how.

Here’s a few easy ways to teach the kids in our lives how to appreciate themselves, just as they are. 

Practice Body Positivity Ourselves

It should come as no surprise that children learn from watching the adults in their lives. And one thing many adults are horrible at, is their body image and self-talk. 

We’re so hard on ourselves and it’s common to pick apart our own appearances (out loud). But the kids in the room hear these critical statements as well and may begin to wonder about themselves or become equally critical of their developing bodies 

So, first and foremost, watch what you say.

And maybe try to say something good about your body! It will teach body positivity to kids and give you a little confidence boost as well!

Teach Kids About the Whole Package

Complimenting children on their appearance is a great way to promote a confident self-image. But it’s equally important to also praise other qualities, like how good they are at math, their kindness, and other character traits that make your child or student special.

The point is, children should know that they’re more than their bodies.

They’re the whole package!

Listen and Address Concerns to Teach Kids About Body Positivity

If you catch wind of negative body talk, consider addressing the issue head-on by starting a conversation.

Let your child know that you heard the negativity, in a gentle way, and tell them you’re there to talk if they need an ear. 

An open line of communication makes it easier for kids to open up about how they’re feeling or if they have questions about their bodies. Asking questions can help keep the conversation going. 

Ask questions (in a gentle tone) like the following:

• Why did you say that about yourself?
• Did someone say something to make you feel like this?
• Can I help?

Sometimes just listening can help your child feel better about the negativity. Other times, you may need to direct them toward something positive about themselves.

Body Positive Self Portrait

Have students come up with ways to thank the body for all it does for them.

Examples:

“I am thankful for my legs for allowing me to walk and dance.”

“I am thankful for my arms for allowing me to hug my family.”

“I am thankful for my hands for helping me paint pictures.”

On a sheet of paper, have them draw and label 3-4 body parts including a reason they are thankful for them.  You may want to give them an approved list of body parts that they can write about.  Brainstorm together with them before they start.

Create a Collage

But not just any collage. Create a collage that showcases body diversity! Choose images from all ends of the spectrum, all colors, and all genders. 

Then, help kids find beauty in each image! 

Ask students to find something positive about each image, and then talk about that aspect in greater detail.

The key is to teach beauty in all forms. And exposing children to a variety of images helps normalize diversity and teaches them that there is no perfect body (or way to look).

Right the Wrong To Teach Kids About Body Positivity

If something in the media seems off, it’s time to set the record straight. 

It never hurts to point out something that seems wrong so the kids in the room do not normalize the issue. 

If it’s an issue of race, gender, or body imagery then point it out and educate children about the fact that what they’re seeing isn’t the real world (or normal).

Watch Your Terminology

Promoting a healthy lifestyle is a great way to teach kids about body positivity. But if the wrong terms are used, children may become confused about the meaning of healthy. 

For example, diet or weight may have negative connotations connected to them. Instead, use the word healthy. 

Don’t focus on negative words like fat, for example. Instead use positive words like healthy and happy. 

If you’ve noticed a trend, you’re right on. Because all of these important tips come down to you changing your language, paying attention, and normalizing diversity. There is no better way to teach kids about body positivity than modeling it yourself.

If you want some ready to go resources to work on this with your child or students, click this link.

Body Positivity Lessons for School Counselors – Grades 3rd-8th

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